NO ENTRY!

NO ENTRY! – by Christy Parker

Factories close, dole queue grows, sometimes you just can’t win

Down in Youghal we’ve seen it all, but we take it on the chin

We’ve pothole craters that alligators would lose their way inside

And derelict sites with things that bite where furry creatures hide.

The hills are steep and grow men weep at Youghal’s post office queue

As it winds its way into next day and the day after that day too

The roads aren’t great and I hate to say it, but the footpaths can lead you to jump

And we’ve seen the breeze bring a man to his knees as it carried the smell from the dump.

We’ve had Raleigh, Cromwell and buskers from hell as merciless persecutors

And worse than others, some Christian Brothers used torture when they were tutors

But never in life has Youghal known strife like the day of the Shock of all Shocks

When we awoke one morning to find without warning they’d closed the diving rocks.

Some bloke we don’t know with a clipboard in tow strolled around the spot

And was allowed to decide as he gazed at the tide what was safe -and what was not

He said someone could slip on the pathway, or trip and land themselves in sick bay

And if the sea got an urge he swore it would surge and sweep the poor bathers away

Amongst further failings the absence of railings made the note-taker quake in his shoes

As he pictured a swagger would conclude with a stagger and a fall to one’s doom -or a bruise.

And then, oh Good Lord!! Look -the diving board!!! It’s way too high at low tide!!

Someone out of their mind might dive only to find their skull and their brain would divide!

His amazing insight would put danger to flight and he called for immediate action

He said, ‘no ifs or buts, these people are nuts to be using this unsafe distraction.

‘There is no time to waste, we must order with haste, some ply board and 22 nails

And tack words of restraint on a coat of white paint, explaining the finer details.’

Up went the construction to cause an obstruction to swimmers intent on a tan

Amidst much denouncing and profane pronouncing from every woman and man

Some say with a laugh, ‘in a century and a half, nobody once came to grief

And the fact that some stranger could fathom such danger is a matter of great disbelief.

‘But if we’re to survive,’ say the swimmers who dive, ‘we have to unearth a solution

We reject out of hand going to the Front Strand on account of water pollution’

Though searching for hope some say that a rope would best of all fit the bill

They could stay where they love with a knot tied above while abseiling the Lighthouse Hill.

Yet there is one place that thrives without trace of the ‘health and safety’ crew

Its private, secluded, clean water included and offers a wonderful view

It has legroom galore and I ask you what more is needed to save the hour?

So let’s have fun restored by taking the board -and climbing the water tower.